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November 17 2017

songofsunset:

child: -does a Thing-

me: -crouches down, looks the child in the eye- was that a good decision

child: -squirms around briefly- :( :( :( :( :( :( ….no…………

me: make good decisions please

captainsnoop:

NaNoWriMo sounds like the abbreviated title of an anime you’d get a callout post for admitting that you like 

reioka:

So my neighbor was out camping and met Keanu Reeves who was also camping (I guess he likes dogs because he came up and said “I love these dogs!” about her rottweiler) and she said she thought she was crazy for a minute because no one else knew he was there and it turns out Keanu was just there chilling with a one-man tent and a cooler and his little Dodge car and every time someone looked at him he’d just turn his face away and it’s kind of just solidified in my mind that Keanu Reeves is a cryptid.

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yellowdraws:

Gets better every time really.

In the midst of all these “Humans will packbond with anything” posts, I’m going to pause and give you some actual, real-world career advice

rainaramsay:

Ready? 

Humans are packbondy creatures.  I mean, there’s just no arguing it.  They packbond readily, and quickly, and unbelievably strongly.  Once a human has packbonded with a thing, they will do anything to help and protect that thing.  

There’s a downside to that, not often mentioned.  It uses up a lot of their time and energy to build those packbonds, maintain those packbonds, and most especially to do the work of helping and protecting those with whom they have packbonded.  It doesn’t leave them a lot of time and energy for helping other beings. 

If you want a human to help you – if you want to reliably get their best effort – you have to packbond with them first.

Yeah? So?
So you’re probably going to be working with humans for most, if not all, of your career.  No matter how good or bad you are at your job, there will come a time when you need someone else in your workspace to help you with something, whether that’s manning the fry station for 2 minutes while you pee, sending over those numbers from marketing, or dropping everything to teach you how to do a thing that your boss told you to do or else you’d be fired.  

Not to mention the big things.  They don’t give promotions to just their friends – at least not so much any more. Promotions go to the people who’ve completed big, visible, important projects.  It seems fair until you consider,,,, who gets the big, important, visible projects assigned to them in the first place?  

Humans give boosts to the people they’ve packbonded with.  They mention packbondee’s accomplishments to the boss (or the boss’ boss).  They cover for the mistakes of people they’ve packbonded with.  

That’s not right! It shouldn’t be a popularity contest! It should be about who does the best –” 
Listen to me. 
Listen.

You may be right.  You may be the most correct creature to have ever spoken since the beginning of galactic civilization. 

It
does
not
matter

Humans packbond. It’s what they do. I can’t stop it. You can’t stop it.  No power in the ‘verse can stop it. This is how the human do.

All you can do is work with it. 

If you want a human to help you – if you want to reliably get their best effort – you have to packbond with them first.

Look, I’m introverted and scared of people and I have social anxiety so I really don’t know how to –”
Hey, my pal, I feel you.  I, too, am introverted. And I have social anxiety. And I have PTSD that actually – and I recognize that this is bizarre – has ‘business networking’ as a trigger.  

For you, I have good news:
Humans will packbond with anything.  

Like, you don’t really actually have to do anything. You kinda just have to… exist. In their presence. They kinda do the rest.  

If you can talk with them, that speeds things up.  But it doesn’t have to be, like, good conversation. Like, it can totally go

You: boy, sure is hot out!
Human: Man oh man, can you believe it?
You: Wow, yeah
Human: Totally
You: ….
Human: ….

This conversation – as awkward and uncomfortable as it felt to you, has caused this human to packbond with you a little more. If you repeat it weekly, you will get good results. 

THE TAKEAWAYS

  • You need to packbond with the humans you come in contact with
  • Taking time to do that is not only justifiable, it is an important part of your job, and should be treated as such
  • That is to say that, as much as you hate it (and believe me, I understand), you have to take time away from actual work and dedicate it to packbonding with your fellow workers

Tips

  • Plan out your packbonding time. It’s easier if you can initiate than if a human springs packbonding-time on you all unexpected.  In an office job I like to use Friday afternoon, but adjust according to what makes sense to you and your situation.
  • Keep some packbonding-time questions handy.  My go-to list is:
  • (If it’s Monday or Tuesday) How was your weekend?
  • (If it’s Wednesday) How’s your week been so far?
  • (If it’s Thursday or Friday) Any big plans for the weekend?
  • How’s your day been?
  • You don’t have to care about the answers to these questions. All you have to do is remember that if the human is answering questions, they are not asking you any questions.  Therefore questions are your friend.  If you ask follow-up questions, you may be able to get through the entire packbonding time without having to do any of the talking
  • Learn to disengage from packbonding.  You can use basically the same sentence (or variants on it), but you’ll want to practice it so that you can make it sound natural.  I use “Awesome! Well, I gotta get going. Have a good one!”
  • I know it feels overwhelming, but a few minutes of packbonding, once a week, is all you need.  Once you build it into your habits it can be no more annoying than doing dishes or showering.  

    Things that sound fake but actually happen in the first Tarzan novel (1912)

    lesserjoke:

    • Tarzan grows up in the jungle because the sailors on his parents’ ship mutiny and maroon them there. Two decades later, the sailors on his cousin’s ship ALSO mutiny and maroon him and Jane in the exact same area where Tarzan happens to live
    • He’s raised by apes after his parents die because one of them who’s been carrying around her own dead baby is moved by the maternal spirit to drop its corpse in Tarzan’s crib and pick up the human baby instead
    • Tarzan teaches himself how to read and write fluent English by reading his parents’ old books
    • He later leaves Jane and co. really passive-aggressive notes telling them that he’s Tarzan and they better not touch his stuff
    • Tarzan also rescues them from various jungle troubles in person, but he can’t communicate with them because he can’t speak/understand spoken English
    • Jane and her friends spend their entire time in the jungle thinking that there are TWO DIFFERENT people who keep saving them: their reclusive host who leaves them salty messages and signs his name Tarzan of the Apes and then that other guy who lives with the apes
    • Literally they never put two and two together until Tarzan tracks them down in America and tells them he was Tarzan all along
    • Which he does in French
    • Because back in the jungle he rescued a French guy who taught him how to speak that language
    • So Tarzan can read and write English but speaks only French by the time he leaves the jungle
    • Jane goes back to America while Tarzan is off helping his French friend, and he follows her all the way home just to arrive the day before she’s gonna marry a rich guy to cover her father’s debts. It’s literally one of those Taylor Swift STOP THE WEDDING tropes, but with this weirdly buff ape man yelling in French instead
    • Jane’s father has debts because he borrowed a ton of money to charter a ship and follow a pirate treasure map he found, which, logical. We’ve all been there
    • The sailors on that ship are the ones who mutiny and maroon Jane earlier on, after finding the treasure and deciding they want to keep it for themselves
    • But Tarzan sees them rebury the chest and he digs it up and takes it with him to America to find Jane. The sailors are later very confused when they go back and find the treasure missing
    • Meanwhile Tarzan’s friend keeps trying to convince him that he’s the son of those two adult skeletons in his cabin, but Tarzan is all like, nah, I’m pretty sure that baby ape skeleton in the crib was theirs.
    • Oh also yeah, Tarzan totally just left all three skeletons lying around until his human friends showed up and were like, boy, you’re nasty
    • Also Tarzan needs a lot of convincing to believe that his ape foster mom wasn’t his birth mother
    • Like an absurd amount of convincing, really
    • His friend finally proves it by dragging Tarzan to a fingerprint expert in Europe to compare his prints to the baby ones that his dad fortuitously recorded in his journal just before he died.
    • The fingerprint proof means he’s actually the heir to his family’s title and wealth instead of his cousin, but he decides not to tell Jane about it
    • Because after Tarzan interrupts her wedding plans and gives her the pirate treasure (so that she doesn’t have to marry the rich guy), she turns down Tarzan’s own proposal and agrees to marry his cousin instead
    • And he’s like, alright, and leaves
    • Truly one of the great love stories of our time
    • I think she does change her mind and marry him in one of the sequels, but there are literally over two dozen of those that by all accounts are even weirder than this one and I just honestly don’t think I’m ready
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    atratum:

    specialkayblog:

    “40 is good, 50 is great, 60 is fab, and 70 is fucking awesome!” ~ Helen Mirren 💪🏻

    missed some greats!

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    songofsunset:

    …..do you know how much time I spend walking up to small children holding twigs and going ‘that’s mine’ and taking them ??????

    about half an hour a day every day like clockwork

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    mcbuckwheat:

    He actually remember EVERY single  trick he did on him…….

    abaikgirl:

    I know we are all talking about sugar daddy Grandmaster but I do love the idea of Loki constantly slithering out of giving him any sugar and Grandmaster just thinks he’s playing hard to get and tries harder and idk why but that scenario is just so funny to me.

    glumshoe:

    ask-awkward-teen-dipper:

    haiku-robot:

    strampunch:

    glumshoe:

    no one believes me when I say my identical twin lives in the cellar and eats only spiders

    I blinked and then I found I had drawn this in an instant. I’m sorry.

    i blinked and then i
    found i had drawn this in an
    instant i’m sorry



    ^Haiku^bot^0.5. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. | Who do I read? | Contact | Beep-boop!

    this started from glumshoe, went to gravity falls and than haiku bot reblogged it… this, this is something to be remembered  

    OH

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    shamwowxl:

    wine-dark-sea:

    ilyasaurus:

    randomfandomteacher:

    indigopersei:

    broitsablog:

    wildeisms:

    @indigopersei is the french language just always on the verge of getting someone accused of assault or..?

    my friend,
    if only you knew

    It’s a very dangerous language to learn

    Here’s an interesting thing about French! Everything needs to have an article in front of it. That’s why it’s “la chat” as opposed to just “chat”. So, for instance, you could say la fille for the girl, or jeune fille for young girl, but you can’t just say fille, because that means you are calling her a sex worker in a derogatory way.

    The moral of the story is, if you want to make something rude in French, just take out the article in front of it. Yes, this works for nearly. every. word.

    #now I’m wondering how often my high school french teacher was silently screaming because of this little fact

    Every year. Every year there’s that kid who forgets that you can’t translate “I am excited” to “Je suis excitée”. And every year Monsieur Jordan has to slam the brakes before that kid can finish his sentence and then tactfully ask him not to announce to the class that he is horny.

    “is the french language always on the verge” oh buddy, oh pal, i am so happy to break this news to you: 

    *suspiciously looks outside...

    skeleslime-phantom:

    skeleslime-phantom:

    … It’s the middle of November here in SD and there isn’t ANY snow on the ground… 

    what the fuck is going on in here on this day???

    image

    ARE YOU TELLIN’ ME WE AIN’T GETTIN’ SNOW AT ALL THIS NOVEMBER

    cystemic:

    useless-switzerlandfacts:

    altonin:

    the real regions of europe

    • crystal clear tapwater
    • everyone eats dinner at 10pm
    • slav squat
    • brexit

    How Europe is classified by the United Nations

    fungeonmaster-frisk:

    queen-of-the-pengus:

    queen-of-the-pengus:

    Apperantly Google assistant has a crush on siri

    Google is gay, straights can’t use it anymore

    I thought this was gonna be a subtle joke but apparently not

    end0skeletal:

    snakegay:

    snakegay:

    one of my favorite things is how badgers and coyotes will hunt cooperatively. as in not just like happening to go after the same thing at the same time but actually combining efforts to bring down prey; coyotes are faster and can chase down prey species, while badgers are adept at digging them out of their burrows

    also results in great images like this

    imageimage

    Lots of good badger/coyote pics out there!

    shipwhateveryouwant:

    how tumblr discourse has become a parody of itself and complete waste of everyone’s time:

    normal person: “you can’t just call everything that makes you uncomfortable pedophilia? it’s really fucked up. two adults with an age gap isn’t pedophilia, neither is a 16 year old dating an 18 year old, neither is a real adult who looks at porn of cartoon characters that are canonically 17 or whatever. it just doesn’t work that way.”

    some fucking asshole: “OH, SO YOU’RE SAYING YOU SUPPORT PEDOPHILES??????”

    this is how every conversation about “pedophilia” goes on this site. productive conversations about this are not possible. the meanings of words don’t matter. facts don’t matter. laws don’t matter. all that matters is somebody is uncomfortable with something sexual, so they get to call everyone a pedophile. game over. congratulations guys, you cried wolf so much that now when actual potential child predators prowl this site, no one will know or care because “x user is a pedophile!!” now just means “x user probably reblogged some voltron porn”. fuck all y'all.

    revgrace:

    i almost cried when i saw this for the first time

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